Melancholy

Today was supposed to be our 40th month together but it did not happen. It was something that I was dreading to happen but I already expected it will come to this. We were two completely different individuals but love hit us so hard. And there is not a day that I think of him and wish we will last for a long, long time.

Patrick was not exactly the type of man I dreamt of. He was brutally honest, practical and not your typical “romantic” guy. Our first few months together have been tough. Hurtful, insensitive words were exchanged but we kept on going. The last months have been tougher than before. There were times when I wanted to end it so badly because we feel as if we do not understand each other at all. I realized immediately then how much I love him. It was such a pure, warm feeling that I only felt with him. But in a recent out-of-town trip, we had several misunderstandings for which we were both at fault. We ended the trip full of new experiences but with a heavy heart. We might have apologized to each other however we both knew then that something is wrong, something that has been lurking in the shadows of our relationship ever since.

Last night, we were not able to defeat it once and for all. It has consumed our relationship piece by piece until it was nothing but a burning heap of ashes. The love is still burning not as brightly as before and it has left us broken and torn. There were words that were better left unsaid, words that should have been said and words that destroyed the both of us to the core.

I love Patrick. I love him more than I have ever loved any man. He may not be what I want but he is everything that I need. We met each other  unexpectedly and now we lost each other so suddenly. And the difficult thing to accept is, some loves are not just meant to be. And a love that used to be so great like ours may not last a long, long time like I wanted it to be.

But I am grateful, grateful that I met him when I least expect it. I wish him all the best and I hope I would have the courage to remember all the good memories with him and move on.

 

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